The Taste of Fear; God, how I hate change!
I went to my weekend job this morning, to do some behind the wheels. My boss was there, and said that she would be closing the driving school in December. I was stunned! The driving school job has been my part-time salvation for fifteen years now. A few more months and it will be gone forever! Over the years I’ve helped over four thousand kids learn how to drive. That’s when it really hit me, big change is coming in my life this coming year.
Did I ever say how much I hate change? I am a Taurus and like solid earth under my feet. Unfortunately, the other stars in my chart have different ideas. In the past, when my life changes, it changes massively. Let me give an example; in my mid-20s I got a girl pregnant, decided to marry her, joined the military, and moved to Phoenix Arizona. This all happened within three months. When I got divorced from her, it was almost the same thing in reverse; I left the military, got divorced, became separated from my children, and became jobless after moving back home with my parents.
Many years have passed since then and I’m now fifty-seven years old, but I still cringe every time mid October comes around. The Scorpio energy is opposite my Taurus energy and it always seems to hit around the middle of October. Now October is here again, and it looks like the roller coaster is being set up once more.
This post is going to contain some very personal information. But I have reason to believe that big changes are coming to everyone! Perhaps I am even better prepared than many others. I’ve written a lot of posts about the astral planes, how I see into them, how I function within them. But I’ve never really shared how it is with me, how serious it really is.
When I say that I have experienced severe astral conflicts, people say, “oh yes, I know exactly what you mean. That has happened to me too!”
But I will share a few examples:
Back in 1993 I experienced one of the two most violent astral battles of my life. In an extremely vivid dream I saw a line of police cars going down a country road and then someone attacked me with a knife and the only weapon that I had was a knife as well. I won that fight, and I can still feel the resistance of the knife before it plunged into the other person’s chest. The person stepped backward and sank down to a sitting position on the ground bleeding from the wound. Those familiar with astral conflicts will realize that most conflicts simply end with the other person disappearing, not sinking to the ground bleeding. This was serious stuff! The next morning I was horrified to learn about the death of David Karesh and the massacre at Waco Texas. When astral conflicts happen at such a deep level people get hurt. The second most violent astral conflict of my life happened about six weeks ago. Again someone very powerful attacked me. We were apparently very well matched and did not have weapons. As we were struggling I managed to pick up a sharp stone and tore open the carotid artery on his neck. It started bleeding. He stepped back, and that was the end of the dream. Who was it? I don’t know, but no one has heard from the North Korean dictator since then.
So am I crazy? Let me share one other dream. This dream was just as vivid as the others. I was in a room that looked like a military bunker. Two military people had a person tied to a chair. The person in the chair had the key to a missile launching system. The other two people had set the console panel to launch a missile and the red light was flashing and preparing to launch as I entered the room. I remember my dream self saying, “not on my watch!” I went over to the person that was tied up in the chair and tried to take the keys away from him. He resisted fiercely and kept trying to escape so that he could go over and stop the launch. I tore the keys from his hand, went over to the console, inserted the key, and physically turned it. That action shut down the launch. I still remember the resistance and force it required to turn the key.
So what am I saying? Well, I’m saying that I dream at a level where things have weight, and offer resistance. These dreams must be taking place at a level that is very close to physical reality. Not only that, but I function powerfully at that level. To me this light worker stuff is not fluffy bunny fun and games, but deadly serious. I serve Gaia and act as her guardian. In the astral I often have to fight, and for thirty years I have won every single fight! I’m not really someone to mess with.
Now getting back to how I hate change. My second wife and I have been trying to separate for five years now! Our contract has long since been fulfilled. Our marriage has been rocky, in fact, we got divorced once and then got married again! Now it’s time to separate for real. We both feel this to be true, but in many ways she is just as powerful as I am and neither one of us believe in forcing things to make them happen. When the time is right, a way will be made. We both believe that, and we have both been waiting for that, but it never seems to happen. We have both used our powers to survive during these critical years of Earth’s ascension.
Last year at this time, it was all planned and I was moving out in one week. Then my mother died, and everything went to hell. The window of opportunity passed and it never happened. This year the plan was that I’d be out by October, and then, because of financial reasons it was decided that I would stay till next spring. This has been going on for five years now. The cosmic has been forcing us together and not giving a single opportunity for us to separate.
I have to explain a few things about my wife and I. Other people may be in similar situations. We love and respect each other, but are totally incompatible. Our energies have never been able to mingle harmoniously in a creative way. We have always blocked one another. Anytime one of us would pull in one direction the other would instinctively pull in the other direction as a balancing force. Nothing ever got done, nothing ever grew. Yet, we learned to trust each other, and learned to give each other space. So we have grown, apart. And now the distance between us is so great that we both just want it to be over. If the cosmic will only show us a way!
The only thing we have found to enjoy in common is dinner and a movie once a week. She has no interest in my thoughts, my translation work, my books or my blogs. She lives only for her children and grandchildren, and that is fine. I try to support that. In turn, she tries to give me the space I desire to get some of my projects done as well. But it is over. Nothing stays the same, people either grow closer, or grow further apart. We have become to strangers living together in the same house. And the greatest goodwill in the world can not change the fact that it hurts.
And the cosmic has shown us a way. Both my wife and I have had several dreams about this coming winter being a very hard winter, and also one in which a solution presents itself for the first time. This solution is so obvious and clear that there is no way to miss it. So we are living through this fall and winter waiting for whatever it is that is coming next spring. Neither one of us know what it is, but we know that it is there.
I think many people are going through similar situations. I think many people are afraid, just like I feel afraid, like my wife feels afraid. But it exists out there, exists out there in the astral. And my dream self, the one that really seems to know what is going on, seems pretty happy and content for the first time ever. I can only wish that I know what it seems to know.
Whatever it is seems big.